Very Annoying Things

I signed up for a free sample for Dermitage and Hydroxatone. What a mistake. The products didn't do anything, which frankly did not surprise me.

What they did with my email address is at the top of my annoyance list. Ever since I signed up for them, I have received spams every day despite my and gmail's spam filters. Even though I am on the National-Do-Not-Call List, I get phone solicitations from eager sales people who insist I subscribed to receive these solicitations. Plus, they charged my credit card and even though I canceled and returned the products, are very reticent about refunding the money.

In short, Hydroxatone and Dermitage are about as insidious a marketing virus as Acai Berry, which I urge one NEVER to try.

I want to...

Rehearse a show again
dance again
sing great harmony
design my back yard
plant my back yard
be strong and fit again
enjoy my husband more often
go to NYC in July

What compliments do you regularly receive?

I'm beautiful
I'm good at stuff
I have great presence
I'm a great singer
I'm a versatile singer
I can do anything
I'm a good cook
I'm a good organizer
I'm a good actor
I'm flexible
I can change easily
I'm a good traveler
I speak French well
I'm a good driver
I'm bright
I have nice eyes
I'm delightful
I'm funny
I'm a good mother
I'm a good tennis player
I'm a great tennis captain

What are my Sunday Rituals?

sleep as late as I can
make coffee
make breakfast
watch CBS Sunday Morning
get dressed
go to church
come home
make lunch
fix stuff around the house
look at my week's schedule
take a long walk
make dinner
write my Monday to-do list

What activities would you do if you weren't so afraid?

Bunji jump
invest in a real estate development
start a theatre company
write a theatre review column
get an MBA
start a business
open a studio
run a marathon
run a 5K
skydive
buy a house in Thailand
buy a boat and go from Chesapeake to Key West
put solar panels in the house
go to Spain
go on UVA tour
Bike Europe
go to Russia
Give my kids their entire inheritance at 21 and treat them like friends I owe nothing to after that

What are the qualities about being human you love?

Inspired by the book, "List Your Self" by Ilene Segalove and Paul Bob Velick, here is today's list

Senses
speaking to other humans
Reading
Writing
Innovation
Inventions
driving
bike riding
music
variety
feeling love
stretching
live longer
sparkliness
raising children for a long time
playing
beaches affect us differently
breathing through our mouths and nose
laughter
joy
pleasure
cooking
finding meaning in things
interpretation
exercise

Blow your own horn: What outstanding things have you accomplished?

My brother is wonderfully descriptive and has a definite point of view. Through the years I have marveled at his ability to describe a situation at work and consequently saved the company, made them hundreds of millions of dollars, exposed frauds and inadequate employees and improved energy efficiency 10-fold. He can do it in such detail, and with such drama that I have always told him to write it all down, change a few names and publish a novel.
Still, I marvel most at his unflappable self-esteem in these situations. Maybe it's because I'm a little sister even in middle age that I assume I can't do that, which in turn has always been a challenge to me. So here goes.

It's hard to start.

ok here goes.

When my parents fell apart, I assessed the home situation, considered where my brothers went to school, researched college prep schools and petitioned to go to a prep school in Northern California, leaving the midwest behind.

Unable to find a waitressing job after high school, I applied to a travel agency and worked there throughout the next 4 years earning pocket money.

I petitioned to my parents to let me go to college because I wanted to learn more. I declared a Political Philosophy major so I could be a lawyer and help people, the country.

When I saw where I continually gravitated, I changed my major to theatre and was cast as the lead my freshman year.

I pursued and found a job performing in South America 1 month out of college. I traveled for 7 months, came home and headed for New York without a union card. Within 2 weeks I met Bob Fosse. Within 10 months I had a tour, a card, and an interested agent. Within 18 months I had my first Broadway tour and a signed agent. Within 3 years I was on Broadway. I focused on casting directors, directors, choreographers, dance teachers, acting teachers and anyone who could help me get the next show, and I kept in touch with them. Every success went into a postcard.

To explore more deeply my craft, I found The Actors Institute. I took acting class, workshops, business of acting classes. I hired a coach. I wrote down my dreams and working fantasies, and realized even the most outrageous of them. I went to Paris in a Black Gospel show. I sang in a jazz club in the South of France. I sang for Bobby Short, Isabella Stevenson, the king of Jordan, Stefan Grapelli. I opened for Tania Maria and Stefan Grapelli. I improved my french.

I came home and played roles on Guiding Light and did another Broadway show with Brent Spiner, Ed Dixon, Liz Callaway, Chuck Wagner. We closed after 6 performances.

I went to Washington, DC to perform at the Ford's Theatre. I was introduced to Ronald and Nancy Reagan and invited to the White House. I loved DC. I stayed when the show closed and was cast in "Forbidden Broadway." I won a Helen Hayes Award for it.

I went back to New York, played another role on Guiding Light, took class with Anthony Quinn and ran into a college friend, fell in love with him. I went to Cleveland for Gerald Friedman and worked with director/legend Mr. George Abbott in a show he had written and directed 60 years earlier. He was 99. I met Hal Prince, Betty Comden and Adolf Green, Eddie Albert, Dorothy Hart, Edwin Booth. We went to Broadway in time for his 100th birthday. It closed in 3 days.

I went back to France to star as Sally Bowles, the role that made me want to act and sing. I sang for Michel LeGrand, Alain Boublil and Jean Claude Schoenberg, Hal Prince, John Kander. I won awards and toured Europe. I got married. I visited all the historic places I could find and found I love European History. I kept learning and exploring. Lauren Bacall told me I was stupid, that I could never have an acting career AND a family.

I returned home and immediately went into rehearsal for my next Broadway show. We were nominated for 6 awards, performed at the Tonys. I met Victor Garber and Don Bosco. I made the cast recording. When the show closed, I went into the next Broadway show. In my career to that point, I had closed 5 Broadway Shows.

I insisted we buy a condo as paying rent is like flushing money away every month with no growth. I found an amazing building with and amazing apartment the very day I had a miscarriage. We bought the apartment.

I became a mother. I did Saturday Night Live. They asked me to come back to be an extra after hiring a huge cast who took the roles I would normally play. I agreed.

It was time for my daughter to go to nursery school. She was growing out of her crib and therefore her closet/bedroom. I assessed the possibilities in Manhattan for her future, for our lives, our sanity and we found a house in New Jersey with a very good school system and several theatre companies as well as a train into the city. I enrolled my daughter in nursery school and worked for 3 years at a wonderful regional theatre in Philadelphia. I was nominated for a Critic's Choice Award for my performance. I did some shows in Connecticut and again, was nominated for a Critic's Choice Award.

I auditioned for and was cast in a show at a wonderful regional theatre very near my house that was being directed by Gene Saks, choreographed by Ann Reinking and Tommy Tune, and being re-written by Betty Comden and Adolf Green. We went on tour for 5 months before coming to Broadway, but closed out of town in 5 weeks before getting there.

I found myself pregnant again. A boy. Breech. When told I would get a C-Section, I said no I won't and 2 weeks before giving birth switched midwives, hospitals and doctors. I nursed both children for nearly a year.

I was cast in a production of "How to Succeed" and had to turn it down to finally take a honeymoon after 20 years of marriage. I was never asked to audition again.

My daughter won leadership awards, got straight A's, played soccer and took Karate. Her first boyfriend was the richest kid in town. She loved to dance and to debate. She did Model UN. She quit soccer and Karate and took up softball and then field hockey in high school.

My son was having a rough time in nursery school. By the 3rd school I had discovered he had Sensory Integration Dysfunction, now considered a form of ADHD. He had "proprioceptive needs." I took him to Occupational Therapists, Physical Therapists to enhance a mind-body connection. We tried medications briefly. I took him to Tae Kwon Do - in 7 years he became a junior black belt through diligence and perseverance -mine- but he had no passion or interest. He was not well received on the soccer field by the other players and eventually the coach. I coached T-Ball and baseball until it was clear the others were excelling far faster than he and it was working against his self esteem issues. His tennis teacher asked me to get him to move or give up. He flat out refused to swim a lap much less join a team. Finally I put him in an acting class where he discovered his talent: comedy and acting. I put him in drum class hoping the percussion and the exercise could help him get in touch with his physical presence. He can sing very well and always has without hesitation. He asked me if he could take guitar.

The kids in his class were still rejecting him. Seven of them ganged up on him and tried to steal his bike, attacking him. They threatened him in the hallway. I signed him up for Science Olympiad so he could find new friends. He went to competition and his team almost won, and he made friends. He decided he's a geek and proud of it.

My daughter was competing in Fed Challenge. She played softball and field hockey in high school. The new varsity softball coach was playing wicked tricks on the team and her anxiety level was through the roof. I encouraged her to do Fed Challenge because it's a team, it's highly educational and I thought she's smart enough not to rely on sports to get her into college. She quit softball. She had physical and emotional sensitivities that made me suspect college sports might not be for her. She longed for a way to shine and was mourning the attention she received when she was a successful Varsity first base player and an un-scored-upon field hockey goalie for nearly 2 years. The Guidance counselor sent out an email the summer before her junior year saying a documentary film company was looking for junior families for a film about applying to college. I took her into the city and she interviewed and was cast. For the next year they trailed us through every ugly and celebratory step of applying to college. The film is now available, and she is at her #3 choice university studying economics, The #1 Public Ivy, UVa.

Our real estate taxes were nearing 3 times what we had paid when we bought our house 15 years earlier. We were paying out-of-state tuition. My daughter was miserable being 7 hours from home. My son was making a couple of friends, one of whom was 3 years older and a very high-maintenance psychiatric patient who regularly scared me. He lived down the block and there was no escaping him. He threatened us when he wasn't completely devoted to us. My sons teachers were a mixed bag of great and awful. I had trouble sleeping. I did shows at church for lack of NY auditions. I took a great job with a passive-aggressive emotional adolescent of a boss who used guilt for getting anything and everything. My husband's job had him traveling every week, reporting to his office maybe 2 days a month. The #1 public high school in the nation is in Northern Virginia. When I took a step back, I saw I had to move to Virginia.

I made the decision to move in July. I started cleaning and de-cluttering. I had garage sales, rented a storage space. I made 5 trips to Northern Virginia to visit homes I'd researched on the internet and found one. I engaged a buyer's real estate agent. I left my job. I redid my basement. I had bids from selling real estate agents that ranged by $40,000. I went with a friend who was starting her own agency and would work the hardest. The house sold in 6 days. By September 21 we were moved into our new house.

After taking 15 years to renovate a house to just the way we loved it and then sell it, I wanted for us to love our new house right away. I hired a stager before we moved to assess what to bring and what to sell, what to buy when we got there and what colors to paint the walls. She was the best investment I ever made. By November our house was ready for guests top to bottom. My son had made friends in his new school, was in the Symphonic Band and was taking rock guitar at School of Rock. Still a geek, he was on the computer when not at school. I dragged him in and made him audition for the Spring Musical in which he was cast as understudy to the comic relief and a dancing dude. He made good friends at rehearsals and on the school bus.

My knee and back were growing worse than ever. For the past 3 or 4 years I had a Baker's Cyst that always kicked up along with Periformis syndrome sciatica. I had gone to a chiropactor for 35 years. I tried physical therapy, muscle relaxers, pilates, yoga, losing weight, tennis, quitting tennis, acupuncture. I sat a desk thinking I could never dance or move again. It got worse. Since the move and the house were finished, kids were ok, it was time for me. The doctor said surgery would not help my back. I couldn't lose any weight without being able to move. I found a new chirpractor. I had a breast reduction to help my back and my self-image. I had arthroscopic surgery and discovered and hopefully repaired torn and partially missing meniscus cartilages. I signed up for private Pilates sessions and joined a class.

As I read this, I see a pattern. I will not accept unhappiness and stagnation together. Change and progress are my answer to being stuck in a stinking mire. Patience is not my strong suit. Acting insists on continually reassessing, trying new resolutions, progress, change. I am willing to work long and hard at something to achieve a goal. And I am willing to unplug and reapproach from a completely different angle.

What do you just hate?

cockroaches
passive aggressive communication
commercials
uncomfortable underwear
being really cold
rudeness
ignorance
paying for TV
cell phone bills
being unemployed