Divergent Madison: Chapters 33-39

Divergent Madison: Chapters 33-39: Please share thoughts, questions, comments, anything about Chapters 33-39 in the comments below. What did you think about the end of the b...

Nearly finished with the sequel, "Insurgent" we are waiting for the 3rd book.  It's gripping, yet very violent.  I feel I'm becoming numb to the violence and needles, and I'm very uncomfortable with that.

What could you give up to be happy?

I found this post on Facebook by Daily Good: News That Inspires called 15 things that you should give up to be happy.  All right I don't like the title because the word "should" makes me cringe, so maybe 16 things including using the word "should."  But the list isn't bad - check it out at  http://www.dailygood.org/view.php?sid=232

It's along the lines of, "In your pursuit of happiness, occasionally stop and just be happy."  Meaning, what if "pursuing" happiness is as simple as appreciating what works, the existing beauty that already exists?  That stuff we chose to ignore at 12 so we could define ourselves by our misery and by complaining aloud, therefore think we're smarter?  Remember that time?  When someone's complaint brought your young mind an insight that hadn't occurred to it yet and you thought, "wow, he/she's really insightful!  I should notice and verbalize the negative, too!"  Well, I don't think we consciously made that step toward misery, but it virtually played a part in our current dissatisfaction and even fears.

So what things would lighten my load on the road to happiness if I were to give them up?  According to this blog, they are:

1. The need to be right
2. The need to be in control
3. Blaming
4. Negative Self-talk
5. Limiting Beliefs
6. Complaining (!!!)
7. The Luxury of Criticism
8. Need to Impress Others
9. Resistance to Change
10. Labels
11. Fears
12. Excuses
13. The Past
14. Attachment
15. Living up to others' expectations

That last one.  My husband recently went to an Organizational Development conference in DC and saw speaker Rick Maurer talk.  He has written many books about change and OD.  My husband came home with this quote:  "Nature doesn't predict, plan or try to be perfect. It survival of the good enough, not the fittest."  So those expectations we derive from others or what we think others' expectations are may not be nature's.  Doesn't it make sense then to live up to our own integrity?  The integration of our actions with our beliefs, standards and values?  Good enough?

I'd add to this list:

• Road Rage
• Judgement without a Decision to Justify its necessity
• Emphatic Imperatives (That color is the best.)
• Relinquishing Power to Others for No Reason

What about you?

EAT or DANCE?

For some 40 years I have been concerned with eating. That is not to say my whole life I've been concerned with eating. For the first several years the thought never occurred to me unless I was hungry. Somewhere in my adolescence I decided I was fat. Ever since then I've been consumed with eating.

The media, trends and conversations with everyone from the medical industry to the performing industry have confirmed it. Follow these rules and you'll be thin:

• eat this
  
• don't eat that
  
• eat only so much of this
  
• eat as much of this as you want
  
• don't eat after 8:00 PM
  
• eat only this before noon
  
• don't combine eating this with that
  
• eat within 45 minutes after exercising
  
• don't eat before exercising
  
• eat all your carbs in the morning
  
• eat your carbs at dinner
  
• eat protein combined with carbs to slow down digestion
  
• eat some fat
  
• eat no trans fats
  
• eat no animal fats
  
• eat animal protein
  
• eat these supplements
  
• you don't need to eat supplements if you eat right
  
• don't eat wheat, gluten, sugar, simple carbs, nitrites, processed foods, unwashed fruits and vegetables
  
• don't eat.

Now you can click on all this advice, or see at the big picture. And when you step back and look all this advice you can see a trend. They all have one thing in common, which is the word "eat." So all this well-intended advice says only one thing to the universal human mind. "EAT. EAT. EAT." We did. We are now a society with more obesity and overweight people with health complications in history.

You can't discuss politics, religion or values politely in public, but EATING is always safe. My very best friend in life, Jonny Bowden, gave up his professional career as a Broadway musical director and accompanist and got his PhD in nutrition. Since then he's published umpteen books and is nutrition coach to the stars. He is now known as The Rogue Nutritionist. He also has been a trainer at all the hottest gyms in NYC and LA. But have I ever seen him dance? In all fairness, Jonny is the healthiest of specimens not just because he eats right, takes supplements, but because he moves. He plays tennis. Even his piano playing is a workout.

Years ago Jonny and I studied Creative Visualization in an attempt to be thinner, get better work, see who we wanted to be. I learned to thoroughly envision in my mind's eye while completely relaxed what it was I wanted. Then we were told to start writing the list of all the details and don't stop. The really important lesson in this was to phrase your visualization in the positive. The Universe, we were instructed, can't decipher do and don't, yes and no. It only sees the image you send it without the boolean button. So when you visualize your perfect job, your soul mate or even your ideal body, see it only in the positive because if you say "I don't want a man with no hair" or "I don't want a job that pays less than $200,000 a year" or "I don't want my ass to be wider than my shoulders" that is exactly what you'll get. One day you'll wake up married to a bald man and look down at your gigantic hips as you realize your combined income is $98,000 and say, "This visualization stuff is for the birds."

But the birds may be onto something. I mean, if they can fly hundreds of feet above a field and think, "WORM. WORM. WORM." Then land, find one and eat it and survive, they might be right.

So after all these years of studying nutrition, trying diets and yet finding myself 50 lbs heavier than I was when I started, I wish I had been thinking, "DANCE. DANCE. DANCE."

Think on that. What if we actually got up and danced every time we heard music? Every time we felt the impulse to move? Every time we thought of what we should be eating when in actuality we weren't hungry? What if every grocery store had a dance studio/experience next door so you could dance before grocery shopping? What if people actually danced still? What if we all thought about dancing as much as we thought about eating?

Men often don't like to go dancing. Why is that? We don't even talk about dance any more at parties.

A hundred years ago a dance revolutionized social behavior. And what was it named after? Cake!

• The Cakewalk horrified stuffy parents of young girls yet made those young girls squeal with the delight of movement, touching hands, glowing with perspiration. In retrospect, the original Cakewalk was nothing much more than jogging in perfect posture while holding hands in a formal raised position.
  
• It lead to The Charleston, which grew into
• The Lindy,
  
• Swing Dancing,
  
• The Twist, then dance seemed to die and be reborn as
  
• Aerobics and Jazzercise.
  

But somewhere in there we lost half the audience. We became a society who sits down in front of a TV to watch "Dancing With The Stars" with its Pizza Hut commercials. And eat.

I vow, every time I hear music, no matter where I am or how my kids will cringe, I will dance.